Sexualized Images

As a Public Relations major, I understand the appeal of sexual images. In art and in life, people like things that are appealing and eye catcing. Sexual images are. When it comes to art, I look at the female body as an art form, not in a sexual way. To be, the artwork is beautiful, not meant to draw a sexual response. Because they are so common now, I think we have become numb to most sexual images in the media. Companies like American Apparel and Abercrombie & Fitch that are marketed to high school children are promoting these images not realizing the harm they are causing.

Final Essay

April 29, 2014

Who I Am

I am a fairly average person. When presented with this opportunity to write our final essay with the topic being “the story of my body” I felt I was doomed from the start. Other people knew immediately what the focus of their essay was, but I was stuck. I hadn’t had any profound experiences that I could remember; my parents are still together after thirty-two years of marriage, I lost my grandparents on my dad’s side two years ago, but other than that haven’t experienced death of loved one’s, I haven’t studied abroad, and I go to college and hour and a half away from my home. At first I was frustrated with that being the case, but soon realized how silly that was and felt extremely blessed for how fairly average my life is. I was born into opportunities that I didn’t have to work for and my somewhat sheltered life prevented me from traumatic experiences. It wasn’t only what I have experienced, but also my appearances. I graduated from Upper Arlington, a suburb outside of Columbus, Ohio (where I have lived my entire life), I’m white, middle-class, stand about 5’4, have brown hair and brown eyes. I would say I am pretty standard looking, no exotic or definitive features.

In a ready titled “The Story of My Body”, Judith Ortiz Cofer reflects on her skin color and other features shaped her identity. She discusses her Puerto Rican heritage and what it meant to have brown skin in the United States. This creates a very engaging story. It presented a perspective that was different from my own body. To me, it seemed as though writing the story of your body meant you had to stand out from others in order to have a story to tell. You had to be different in a way that affected your outcome in a different way from others. I realized soon that this was an ignorant way to think. Every person experiences life in a unique way and that every person has a story to tell. I began to think that being in the majority average has affected me in ways that I wasn’t aware of. Also, it isn’t only about the color of a person’s skin, their ethnicity or heritage background that makes people unique from others.  

It’s easy to see how finding a definitive experience that has shaped my identity may be somewhat challenging. I found it difficult to find one specific thing that has contributed to shaping the person that I am today. Instead, I came to realize that it was several different small experiences (or lack there of) that have done so. To me, this concept of being fairly average has shaped my development and my identity as it is today. This could be for many reasons. First, it has provided me with opportunities that may not have been present if circumstances were different. If I hadn’t been born into a middle-class family with parents who knew the importance of an education, I may not have been able to attend college. Even if that college is in state and an hour plus away from my home, it’s still an opportunity I was blessed with that so many others aren’t. By being away from home at college for three years now I have learned how valuable it is. My high school graduates students with about a ninety-nine percent college bound rate. Almost every person who graduates goes on to pursue a college education. What I came to realize after high school, which sounds completely ignorant, is that this isn’t the case everywhere. To some, a college education isn’t even in the cards. My averageness was all about perspective. In terms of where I am and where I have been, I am average, but to where I’m not and where I haven’t I am an other. My college experience has taught me many, many lessons. What we learn in the classroom is important, but what we learn outside of the classroom is just as, possibly more, valuable. In my case, I was able to escape a bubble, which altered my entire way of thinking. It has changed my perspective on perspective, if you will.

In one of our readings, titled “Unemployed Black Woman Pretends to be White, Job Offers Suddenly Skyrocket”, a woman does just that. An African American woman take the identity of a white female when applying for jobs, after being unsuccessful applying as herself, and finds that her job offers increase dramatically. Although this conveys a powerful message suggesting the deep-rooted issues within our society, I thought it offered a different insight. This example showed me how those who are privileged commonly are unknowingly. This does not only have to be the case with race, but with socioeconomic status, genetics, gender, etc. Those who are born the way that they are do not know anything different from exactly that. I feel a personal connection with this. Attending a high school where pursuing a college education is more than common; I am able to see how blind we can be to our privileges without knowing. It wasn’t until I pursued a different experience that I was able to see what made me different from other people. I now see life from a different perspective and for the better. The concept of being “average” only holds meaning within your realm of experience. Who I am and how I perceive others and myself has changed due to this significant experience.

My story has been impacted in other important ways. The person I am hasn’t been shaped by merely one major experience, but more so by experiencing one thing over a period of time; my family. I was always daddy’s little girl. I can vividly remember as a very young girl sitting on my dad’s shoulders, feeling like I could touch the sky. In reality I was only about 6 feet 5 inches in the air, but at that age it felt like I could see the world. I always insisted on my dad picking me up and holding me wherever we went, to me that was the safest place in the world. On our family beach vacations I was absolutely terrified of sharks, which kept me from ever going into the ocean. But only when my dad put me on a small raft and took me out through the waves did I feel completely at ease. In fact, those are some of my fondest childhood memories. Although it may be very common for young girls to view their fathers this way, my dad has always been a symbol of strength and security for me. His height definitely contributed to this safeness I felt whenever I was with him, but he resembled that in a unique way that not all fathers do.

My dad has been a Columbus Police Officer for twenty-eight years. He graduated from the academy just after my oldest brother, Christopher, was born in 1988. For as long as my two brothers and I can remember my dad has put on his uniform and gone to work. We always admired that in a very special way. Most dad’s dress in their suit and tie in the morning to go to work, but ours got dressed at nine at night to go to his. By the time we were waking up in the morning to go to school he was coming back from a night on the job. It took me a long time to truly understand what my dad did for a living. When I was young I admired him the same way that all young kids admire policemen, firemen, soldier, etc. They wore a special uniform and had shiny badge, something which all children are drawn to. When you’re young you’re sheltered from the realities of what these jobs entailed, and the older I got, the more aware I became of what my dad faced on a daily basis.

Through the experience of my dad being a police officer, I gained a different perspective on the world than my friends did. Growing up my friends were free-spirited and adventurous. I played along with it, but I was always a bit more cautious. The older I got, the more cautious I was. I was painfully aware of the things that happened outside of our safe community. This has played a major role in the development of who I am. The things that my dad has experienced through his job have truly shaped my perceptions. Being the daughter of a police officer gives you a perspective on things that not everyone can see. Not only do I witness the hardships of life outside of my sheltered suburban area, but I also see how that affects the people who witness it. What my dad has seen experienced how I was raised. He was protective of me in an effort to shelter me from the bad things he saw. This forced me to be more cautious growing up than my peers.

Being more aware of the environment around me is a blessing and a curse. It may have kept me form experiences that I’d have been freer to otherwise, but it also may have saved me in other situations. Now that both of my brothers have grown up to be police officers also, I have a deeper appreciation for what they do. It is seldom known the risks that are made in their job and I have become more aware of it by observing this through my brothers. Although going through life scared is no way to live, I also believe that going through life completely sheltered is not a way to live either. Who I am and my strengths are because of who my family is.

Before writing this essay, I saw myself as ordinary. Through the process of writing this paper I have made important discoveries. Being a fairly average person is not a negative thing, but a blessing when put into perspective. It’s not about your appearance or where you’re from that makes an individual who they are, but how you perceive those things. Every individual is unique in their own way and everyone has their own story.

Works Cited

Ortiz Cofer, Judith. "The Story of My Body." Minding the Body; Women Writers on Body and   Soul: 299-313. Web. 29 Apr. 2014.

"Unemployed Black Woman Pretends to be White, Job Offers Suddenly Skyrocket." .            BizTechNews, 15 Nov. 2012. Web. 29 Apr. 2014. <http://www.techyville.com/2012/11/news/unemployed-black-woman-pretends-to-be-white-job-offers-suddenly-skyrocket/>.

Final Essay

Jordan Lemke

Final Draft

29 April 2014

Free Your Mind, Free Your Life

If I had to classify myself under any sort of political party I am the flaming liberal.  I do not like that I live in a world where people that hold specific titles are under the impression that they have control over me.  I also hate that I am surrounded by people living their lives as puppets being controlled by the ultimate green monster, money.  We are told since the day we enter this cruel world that in order to achieve full happiness you need to hold a high level position at an impressive billion dollar company with a family and all this should be accomplished while in your thirties or forties.  WAKE UP WORLD!  So many people are consumed by money and I think it is because our culture is telling them that is how it should be. Television, the internet, and magazine articles always feature some sort of get rich quick scheme or how to better manage your money or how to make a million by the time you’re thirty-five; utterly ridiculous.  I do not disrespect those who decide to set high goals for their futures that involve becoming wildly successful because I am a huge advocate of the phrase, “to each his own”.  What I have the biggest problem with is when these goals are set out of malicious intentions, in other words only setting these goals to end up with money and not caring about the means of obtaining the wealth.

I am not entirely sure where the cultivation of extreme free thinking came about in my life, if I had to assume what got it started it might have been my frustration at the end of sophomore year.  I hated being at college living in a dorm room the size of a closet, I was unclear of my career choice which gave both myself and my parents anxiety, I wanted a summer job in the Outer Banks of North Carolina but things unfortunately fell through and I felt like I was trapped.  I knew I did not want to be at home for the summer because we just moved early last year and there was nothing in this new house for me to look forward to really.  My parents were stressed about money and my brother had started abusing pills; nothing made me want to go home to those toxic situations.  Then in April I went with my father and grandmother to Budapest and Amsterdam and my eyes were opened to how different parts of the world are.  I had been overseas before, after I graduated high school I went to Spain but I was young enough that I didn’t really appreciate being in another culture and could not fully embrace the fact that I was in a completely new country.  I returned from the trip overseas and my summer job on the beach ended up working out, aside from not knowing what I wanted to do with my future, things were looking pretty positive. 

I went to Corolla, North Carolina and my world was transformed.  I had found my inner peace living on the ocean.  My eyes and mind were introduced to the possibility that you do not have to live your life how most people think it should be, in a cubicle behind a computer desk.  Talking to locals about the off season and hearing them talking about how through the months of January through April the majority of them will go traveling all over the world made me sick with jealously.  I have no intentions of marrying or having children anytime soon and my only goal in life is to travel the world; there is something so intoxicatingly exciting about being a complete stranger in a country that you know so little about.  That first summer will be three months that I will never forget because I know it gave me the confidence to start asking “why”?  

By asking “why” I mean asking why in regards to everything.  Why do people think that happiness is measured in monetary value?  Why are people that are different from us harshly judged and ridiculed? Why are people classified as ugly and pretty? Why is there extreme wealth in the world when extreme poverty still exists? Why do people think that they have a right to punish other people through means of violence and restrictions? When will the power of peace and acceptance of individuality overcome the power of having power?

I found this very interesting article on Off The Grid News written by Andrew (literally the name for the author in the website) and the title speaks volumes in itself, “Is Free Thinking A Mental Illness?”  When I read this title my exact first thought was “are you kidding me with this right now?” DSM-IV stands for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and they identify a new mental illness call “oppositional defiant disorder”, ODD.  Defined as an “ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile and defiant behavior,” symptoms include questioning authority, negativity, defiance, argumentativeness, and being easily annoyed (Andrew).  The article also mentions that in the past these behaviors would be defined as personality traits but are now considered diseases by a group of “experts” that have nothing better to do with their time apparently.  No worries though, with a few pills your disease will be cured in no time at all. 

There have been instances in my recent life experiences that I plain and simple have found that I just do not agree with many mainstream views.  For example, one night over spring break I was at dinner with my grandparents, my parents and my younger brother.  My grandparents were asking about my future plans as they always do and I begin to mention the Outer Banks and how excited I am to get back down there after the school year is over; my father interrupts my speaking to comment on my “summer vacation”.  Why should I have a problem with such a small comment?  As there are other deeper issues rooted in the main flame of anger with this statement, my main problem is that when I am at the Outer Banks I work 50 hour weeks.  It was then that I realized that my parents are also trapped enough by mainstream view that a lifestyle on the ocean is just a vacation. Just because my career goals are not centered around living a 9-5 Monday through Friday work day does not mean my only other option is to claim my welfare checks and live in poverty.  Right now, to me, living near the ocean with the possibility of getting my yoga instructors license and teaching yoga sounds like it would bring me volumes more happiness.  I understand entirely that this type of lifestyle choice is not conventional but why does it have to be? If doing this makes me happy then why should anyone else be worried about whether or not I am going to be making six figures by the time I am twenty-six; because people are constantly swept up by the business and lives of others.

To be quite candid, I am not a fan of the way this country is run.  I was watching a show titles “Alaska State Troopers” the other day and on this particular episode a state trooper was spying on two men because they were fishing in illegal parts of a stream.  Here are the problems I had with this; why should there be any restrictions on where some can and cannot fish, did the fish tell you they don’t like it when they swim past and they get caught in this part of the stream rather than the legal fishing parts of the stream? The other problem I had with this is that no human should ever be spied on period, especially by malicious figures looking to punish someone for their actions.  Humans with authority naturally think for some reason that their entitlement deems those below them as lesser humans which then gives them the right to impose much harsher on the lives of those “below” them.  This is wrong; disgusting and wrong.  Titles obtained through occupational standards does not make me think that you are smarter than me and can tell me how I should live my life, tell yourself how to live your life and forget worrying about others because people are going to do what they want anyway.  To this I often get the response, but it is just authority’s job to help.  To that I say, how do authorities know what kind of help I need?

 “Liberals love to think of themselves as intellectual and nuanced, but liberalism is incredibly simplistic. It’s nothing more than ‘childlike emotionalism applied to adult issues’”(Hawkins). John Hawkins wrote this on September 21, 2007 on Rightwing News.  The source is a little dated yes but I think this is a liable example to show how narrow minded people are about the views of others.  The article is written primarily for political reasons bashing liberals for their incapacity to be knowledgeable about politics in general but it highlights the opinions people hold for liberal thinkers such as me.  Since when is having an open mind and thinking that every human has a right to their own choices and lifestyles is childlike? Statements like these are the struggles I have faced since cultivating a liberal lifestyle.  So many people doubt you and think less of you for your way of thinking but deep down you know that you are not wrong, no one is wrong or right, and you just accept that people harvest different opinions for pretty much everything.

I became tiresome of reading articles bashing liberals and free thinking when I came across this very refreshing article on Entrepreneur by Ray Silverstein.  Silverstein introduces the idea that in the workplace opposing opinions than that of your own are positive and help develop new ideas.  He says, “If you want to be an effective leader, encourage your employees to think for themselves, not follow you blindly… Banish the expression ‘Great minds think alike.’ I like this one by General George Patton better: ‘If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking’” (Silverstein).  People often fear changes and things that are different from what they’ve known their whole life but as explained in the previous quote, thinking for yourself only makes you a better person.    

Living my life as a wild flower waiting for the next gust of wind to pick me up and take me somewhere new is the most refreshing way I have ever lived my life.  I stopped asking the question why and began accepting that things just are.  There will always be articles written about how to get rich quick and the education system is never going to cease to exist, but fighting these things and getting angry over them is a waste of energy to me.  I have come to the realization that accepting people for the choices they make and the lives they choose to live brings the greatest joy and inner peace that money could never buy.

                  

Work Cited

Andrew. "Is Free Thinking A Mental Illness?" Off The Grid News. N.p., 8 Oct. 2010. Web. 29 

     Apr. 2014.

Hawkins, John. "Explaining Liberal Thinking In A Single Column." Right Wing News. N.p., 21
     Sept. 2007. Web. 29 Apr. 2014.

Silverstein, Ray. "Great Minds Don't Think Alike." Entrepreneur. N.p., 21 Feb. 2010. Web. 29 
     Apr. 2014.

Final Draft- A Personality created by Life choices not my ow

He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced—or seemed to face—the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor.  It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey. (The Great Gatsby 156)

Life is something that is very interesting! I never really thought that I was living for myself as much as I thought I was living for the World. From the time that I can remember my own thoughts I have always wanted to be something bigger than the average person. Unfortunately, to this day I am still not sure if my success will be measured by the accolades of my merits or the acceptance of my image. I am either meant to be a great success or a horrible tragedy. 

I have yet to truly figure myself out! My mind is far too conscious to ever allow myself to engage in anything without overthinking it. I am constantly presenting a different personality based on the atmosphere I am in.  For years now I have played the personality game! Ok! Ok! So maybe it is not just I. I do believe that we all have alternative personalities along with our main or most recognizable personality.

However, in my case I feel as though I have multiple, personalities that wreck my brain trying to break free, so that they may present themselves to the world.  The feeling of having to always be on and ready to perform when you are dealing with your personality and conscious eventually prompts the question of “Is this really me or am I showing others what I think they want to see from me?” The thought of this absolutely confuses me because to myself I ask, how can I stand for something or represent a culture when I am lost in the smog of my life? Literally!

I have always tried to live with an open mind and judge only the things that make an optimal difference in the world. I like to believe that I am civil and understanding but the plague of anger and anxiety seems to sweep me off of my feet every time, pushing me back to the various stereotypes of my assumed culture.

As an African American Man my character will always be associated with anger and violence. Although I may not contribute to this particular stereotype it is something that I have to accept to ensure my future. So when I cannot control my anger or levels of anxiety, it disproves what I have planned for my future and writes in stone the future society has for me.

I have a hard time with myself because of the way I think and the way that my family and society has raised me. I am not saying that I blame them or that I am upset with them for the way they raised me. In fact I like to believe I had best of both worlds. Maybe that is truly the reason I am so conscious in my way of thinking. My Mother, whom was adopted, came from a family of only children who had a plentiful line of abandonment. My Mother’s biological mother would give her up for adoption at birth because of the confusing lifestyle she led as a Lesbian woman caught in web of mistakes and broken promises with a man she barely knew. This broken relationship would not affect me directly but the relationship between my Mother and whom I consider to be my Grandmother (my mothers adopted mother) would have a constant affect on me in both my childhood and adulthood.

The relationship between my mother and Grandmother is very complicated. How can a mother daughter relationship be filled with so much anger and love at the same time? My mother has multiple issues with my grandmother, all of which I do not know nor do I understand. At a young age I realized that the time that I found myself in trouble as a youth it was the common ground of discipline and affection that brought the two together. They never divided against me and treated me all the same. However, when an issue between the two would arise I was usually the topic of discussion. I was the poster child for neglect and spoiling a child. Still confusing to me to this day. At a young age I figured out how to get in trouble at school to cool the tension between the two when tension was high.

All I wanted was the visual of a caring relationship! Instead I was always presented with the various violence of a relationship.  I have no way to prove my theory but I am almost certain that this very experience contributed to my level of anxiety and anger.

I AM ANGRY WITH MY FAMILY! HOWEVER, TIME HAS OVERSHADOWED MY ABILITY TO EXPRESS HOW I HAVE FELT FOR SOME TIME NOW.  

My biological father on the other hand is a transparent mystery. I have all the answers I could want from him but those answers do not explain the results of his behavior and how it affects me. I understand that an addiction is a disease and that it is truly something hard to recover from. The thing I could not understand the most was his reason for taking drugs. In a civil conversation between my dad and I he tried to explain that his addiction was the result of his failed efforts as a father when I was younger. To me the blame was placed on me in many ways. What was it about the dynamics of our supposed relationship that made him wanted to escape and find solace in chemicals?

No matter how bad things were at one point we all were united and had each other’s best interest at hand. This gives me reason to believe that I was the straw that broke the camels back.  I was not enough or I was too much for my dad to flourish without having to loose his emotions and ability to love.

Seems that would be the theme for most of my life.  I would be born into a wounded family and fathered by a shiftless man who completely became consumed with the binding freedom of drugs.

 I HAVE NO CLUE WHO I AM, WHERE I AM GOING OR WHAT I AM TRULY CAPABLE OF DOING!

Statements that ring clear in my conscious, whether it be truth or simple anxiety, I am not sure. I have accepted anxiety and all of its consequences as faults of my own because at some point I realized that all these things that create anxiety for me as a person searching for his identity were the only things that were consistently there and never faltered. However, the thought of this also scares me beyond belief. One of my worst fears is waking up without a purpose or no understanding of why I am in the position that I am in. For a child who had dreams like a star with no other reason but to believe that it was possible because it was always on him to understand whom he was. People cared and some still do care but being visible and being there are two different things.  

My greatest battle is having understanding. I don’t mean understanding the commonality of life or people but the understanding of who I am. I cannot help but to believe that I am a psychotic mastermind with a personality disorder. Harsh, right?! Not really. See these are just some of the thoughts that I have of myself. I wish there was a way to visually express my thoughts as clear as they are presented to me while thinking.

I am not your average 23-year-old college student. My mind races nonstop. It becomes overwhelming to the point that my thoughts begin to affect my personality. What happen to me as a child? Was it the domestic violence in the household? Was it the void of a father figure who was my own father? Was it the dubious loving relationship between my grandmother and mother? I don’t know but my mind cant help but think that all of those things have created this individual personality of a 23 year old African American cultured male whose mind seems to be enslaving him to believe that what he is a mystery because he never had time to evolve his personality. I have to believe I was born to be let down time after time, person after person.

The bottom line for me is that, those I want to depend on have failed me before I was ever able to understand the emotional cogence of myself.  I am loved and have loved but that is all overshadowed when the love is contingent on my behavior. At times I feel like a charity case in my family because of the lack of involvement that has transpired over the years from both of my parents.  When you are always introduced to others as someone else’s child, it begins to way heavy on the heart of the child.  A since of belonging is truly my issue! I have come to the point where independent is most attractive to me.

I understand that life is a gift and we should cherish it. I really do try to keep a float and stay motivated to be a success among my past and future failures. Unfortunately when your best qualities are overshadowed by uncertainty and cloaked in strife, motivation changes to self-destruction. 

Final Essay

Jordan Anders

Final Essay

English 3060J

April 29, 2014

How a Straight Spine Led to a Curved Life

“You have Scoliosis.” Imagine hearing those words as a confused 10 year old. The word sounds serious but everyone, from doctors to your parents, assures you it’s not. Just a curved spine that is easily fixed! Then four years later, at 4:30am, imagine waking up in a hospital bed in pain after having 15 pounds of metal inserted into your spine. Learning how to walk and do basic tasks all over again. Or looking into a mirror and sobbing hysterically. As a freshman in high school, this issue affected not only my body, but my mental health as well. My whole world was crashing down. I was different and what high school freshman wants to be different?

According to the WebMD, Scoliosis is “a lateral (toward the side) curvature in the normally straight vertical line of the spine. When viewed from the side, the spine should show a mild roundness in the upper back and shows a degree of swayback (inward curvature) in the lower back.” In the fifth grade, every student was required to stand in front of a nurse, bend over and touch their toes. The nurse then checked to make sure the student’s spine was regular. At my appointment, I was told to meet with my pediatrician. From there, I was referred to a specialist who then fitted me for a special back brace. At this time, I was in middle school. Walking around with a giant brace around your body isn’t ideal during the time period where wearing the wrong shirt will get you ostracized. I began wearing it when I was sleeping, which lead to a long battle with sleep issues.  I could not catch a break. However, as I got older, the curve worsened. I was then told that what was once a slim possibility was a reality: surgery.

Anders 2

The surgery for this is called a spinal fusion. Mine was supposed to be a 12 hour surgery that involved straightening my spine, then putting metal rods and screwing bolts into my actual spine to keep it in place. At the time, I was (in my mind) a healthy 13 year old. Now, every time I looked into the mirror, I saw all my imperfections. I noticed my slightly slanted shoulders, my extremely short upper body and my clumsiness. My classmates had teased me about it but at this time, the comments intensified. The age of 13 is about the time that women begin accepting their body image. When you are being told everything that is wrong with you at that age, it can destroy any self-confidence, and mine was nothing short of gone.

The period after the surgery was a test of not only my strength, but my parent’s strength as well. I never spent a moment alone in the hospital between doctors, nurses and my loving family. One could say my support system was perfection. My mom quit her job to take care of me for an entire summer. I couldn’t ride in cars without taking pain medication for over a month, couldn’t drive and had to take medication every four hours. My parents were smart enough to slowly wean me off of prescription painkillers so it didn’t lead to a crippling addiction, which I am thankful for. They were my rocks, and I could not have asked for better parents in this very moment. However, being completely dependent on another person is a humbling experience. Every child goes through a period of resenting their mother but mine was different. I would hear my friends complain about their mothers being too overbearing or being “mean” to them because they were not allowed to do anything. Of course I went through those teen moments with her, we had a different relationship than most teenage girls and mothers do. Because I couldn’t travel, I depended on my mom for everything, including friendship. While I still had friends afterward, some of my friendships changed.

Anders 3

Before the surgery, I was an active teenager. I played soccer, ran track, danced and played violin. Most of my friendships revolved around locker room jokes and recitals. While my friends visited me in the hospital, I could no longer participate in these activities. Friendships, socialization, and schooling is key for my age. Due to the lack of all three, I was at a loss. I wasn’t allowed to run for six months and was banned from any activity that involved a form of physical contact. When I was allowed to return to school, I realized how much distance my surgery has created. I was no longer privy to the inside jokes that were created at practices, sleepovers and other things. Being on the outside looking in after three short months was hurtful. I know they weren’t intentionally bullying me, but I stopped having a place of belonging. While violin was something I picked up because I wanted to learn music, it became an escape of some sort. I could still play violin while I was recovering since it required minimal physical movement. It also gave me another outlet I couldn’t have imagined.

Music and its healing properties have been studied for years, which is why musical therapy programs are showing up in more colleges. For me, music saved my life. When I played violin, I got lost in the melodies, the notes and the finger positions. Getting the music perfect was something I could control, which was important since everything in my life seemed to be in the hands over others. Not only that, but I was finally good at something. While I enjoyed dancing and running track, I was never the star of the team. In orchestra however, I was finally the team leader. It gave me another group of friends to be around, ones who could understand me. I also reconnected with my pre surgery friends. Before I knew it, I was in the in-crowd. I had plans on weekends, went to football games and after parties, had friends to study with. As wonderful as my newfound talent and friendships were, the self-loathing from my surgery continued to grow. Every time I had to take a painkiller because of my spine, I hated myself. I hated my parents for forcing me into the surgery, for having such an imperfect child.

Anders 4

While I had friends, male attention was nonexistent aside from a few random hecklers when I would venture outside. Because everything else was seemingly perfect in my life, I blamed this lack of male attention on the one thing I couldn’t control: my imperfect body.

In Sierra J. Reilly’s essay, “The Black Beauty Myth”, she discusses the struggles of black women coming to terms with body peace. As a black girl growing up in the upper middle class like me, she too struggled with accepting her body peace. I was exposed to different countries and people from the time I was born. Growing up, my parents forced me into books, art and music. I had no interest in makeup, which made my mom happy because she didn’t want me using it to cover my imperfections. Looking put together was important to my mom, but she never forced me into thinking that being “beautiful” was the most important thing. As I got older and started following pop culture, I noticed that the women my friends idealized were curvy, with big thighs and big hips. Walking through the hallways at school and seeing all the couples didn’t help. Boys ran straight for the curvy girls, calling them “thick”. I couldn’t have been farther from the type. I have been thin my entire life, aside from the breast department. I was blessed with my mother’s abnormally large breasts on a stick thin body. Because they weren’t the body part black men seemed to find the “sexiest”, I tried to hide them as much as possible. Between sports bras and turtlenecks, I tried to make them seem as invisible as I felt I was. While my friends focused on losing weight, I tried gaining it. My efforts failed miserably because of how active I was. Thanks to my Attention Deficit Disorder, I couldn’t sit still. I would run outside, bounce around dancing awkwardly or clean. Once again, my body stopped me from attaining my goals. I watched enough after school specials to know how unhealthy physically punishing your body is, but what they don’t tell you is that the mental abuse is far worse. My body issues had finally led me to rock bottom: depression.

Anders 5

When I was diagnosed with depression originally, my mom refused to have me medicated or seen by a mental health specialist. Without intending to do so, she fed into the mental health stigma. She, like many other people, believed that depression isn’t that serious. That it can be cured by exercise and eating better and prayer. While all of those things can help, medication and talking therapy are two important factors. In the black community, mental illness is a taboo topic. We were raised to be strong, independent and successful. A mental issue is a sign of weakness, so people hide it, push past it or try to pretend it doesn’t actually exist. Society puts these negative stigmas on mental health, making the ones who are associated with a disorder feel crazy. Mental health is a serious issue and for most, they do not get the help they need. Living in that environment a year after my diagnosis made me feel trapped, unloved and broken. Then, my life changed for the better.

Attending college was one of the best things I could have ever done. I attend a predominately white school, but I am still surrounded by all walks of life. For the first time, men found me attractive. Instead of being the ugly misfit, I was attractive in male eyes. I had my first date of all time during my freshman year of college. While I haven’t been in a relationship, I’m taking things slowly and enjoying these new developments. My friends told me how much they wished they had my body and I began slowly accepting myself. The biggest thing was just how many of my friends dealt with mental illness. I was surrounded by others who had ADD, ADHD, anxiety disorders etc. The most shocking thing to me was that they were open about it. I finally had people to talk about my depression with who wouldn’t judge me. Now, when I’m having bad days, I have friends that check on me and make sure I’m eating and not alone instead of catty high school girls who tease me. While I’m not completely cured, being in such a welcoming community saved my life in more ways than one.

Anders 6

Mental health is becoming to be more serious in the eyes of our society day by day. People with a disorder are not being defined by the disorder, but simply getting the help they need to overcome it. As a child, going through all of the issues I faced made me into the woman I am today. I have struggled with emotional, physical, and psychological difficulties, but I can now see the silver lining. My support system is amazing and I could not have done anything without them. Depression is a serious illness and with the right help, one can go about their day and live a “normal” life to our society’s standards. I am still living with depression, but I have the right resources to help me along the way. Growing up with an illness and being ostracized for it has put a whole new perspective on life for me and I know that I have become a more humble being and have more compassion for others than I could have ever imagined. I do not hate my illness or what I have gone through. It has made me a better person and given me a more open mind. Overall, I am improving day by day both physically and emotionally, which is all that matters. 

Final Draft

Matt Boss

Lana Oweidat

English 3060 J

24 April 2014

How Athletic Training has Shaped me

            Throughout my life I have been privileged with many blessings which I consider myself extremely thankful for.  I have been given set of parents that have always stayed together, provided for me, and loved me.  I have been lucky enough to go to an above average school and develop friendships with people who were similar to me.  Finally, I was lucky enough to be given enough athletic ability to follow a passion of mine which is sports.  I have always been in love with sports, whether it was actually playing football and baseball with friends, or even watching the re-runs of sports center before I went to sleep.  The feeling that I got from playing sports was special, and one that created special bonds with my family and friends that were just a part of the glue that stuck us together.  Also, I have always had a passion to help people around me who were in need of help.  I would love the feeling I got when I did things around the house for my parents, helping my grandmother move heavy things or doing yard work for her.  I did these things not for any reward in particular but the feeling of good after you assisted someone who was in need.

  By the end of my high school football career I felt that I had lost a part of me when I no longer was going to take my talents in football anywhere else.  I was sad and almost felt lost where I needed to find some sort of passion in my life.  At this point I was making the most important decision of my life at that point where I was deciding where I wanted to go to college and what I wanted to study.  I chose to study athletic training because my interest in Athletic Training stems from the amount of time that I have spent in my life in the world of sports. 

I grew up around sports such as baseball and football, which I played for a large portion of my life.  Along with playing sports I have spend a great deal of time around athletic trainers, and these experiences with them helped influence me to the person I am today.  My own personal experience with sports allows me to directly relate to athletes that I care for.  The interest in sports that I have taken beyond my own athletic career has allowed me to understand how different athletes have different needs of care, and how their body types and personalities need to be taken into consideration when being taken care of.  I believe that being able to assist other people is one of the most moral things that people can do for another and is a great way to live out life.  Because of my view of helping people I find it very valuable that this profession allows me to assist others and be around sports which really impacts my interest.  I also find it interesting how athletic trainers have the ability to assist athletes both orthopedically and therapeutically which allow them to stand out as a special individual. 

In my first year of college I entered as an undecided major in the College of Health Sciences and Professions.  During my first trimester at Ohio University I was uncertain what direction I wanted to go in but I knew I wanted to be involved in the medical field.  I started off by taking athletic training classes and eventually I stuck with them due to my complete interest and enjoyment I received through the classes.  There are many aspects and skills that many are unaware of in the athletic training profession, so I was able to find a YouTube video of how the athletic training program works here at Ohio University. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9zlZZzqBHU

            After my first year in college I was able to apply and be admitted in the Athletic training program here at Ohio.  My first life changing event came to me when I was covering a girl’s soccer game when the girls played against Cincinnati.  Kim, the certified athletic trainer and I were on the sideline when two girls collided heads with one another.  When this happened it caused one of the girl soccer players head to hit off the goal post and whip backward on the turf.  When arriving towards this athlete, she was in extreme amounts of pain, was unable to move any parts of her body, and had limited to no sensation to touch, while still remaining conscious.  This was so alarming to me because this was the first situation in my career as a student athletic trainer where someone else’s life depended on how I acted.  This event was also unique in a way in which when all of this happened I acted in a way that was almost robotic.  For instance, when thinking about dealing with a serious athletic injury in class, you always second guess yourself about how you might deal with it, and over think things instead of just acting. This was not that sort of case.  I started off by remaining calm and listening to the orders that the head athletic trainer gave me.  I was instructed to call 911, and describe to them who I was, what type of injury we suspected, where we were located, and that this was an emergency situation.  The time from when I called 911 until the time EMS actually arrived at the scene seemed as if it took hours rather than the ten to fifteen minutes that it actually had went by.  I continued to assist these medical professionals in dealing with this girl’s life, by helping monitor vital signs such as respiration rate, and monitoring sensation. 

On my journey to be a certified athletic trainer, I have found many qualities about myself that I was unaware of before that have crafted my identity.  Overall, these aspects that I have gained since coming to Ohio University have shaped me and are being fulfilled through working towards being an athletic trainer.  The main thing that helps form my enjoyment in my major is the fact that I can honestly say I enjoy what I am doing.  I do love the fact that I am able to work in a privileged situation, meaning that I am put in a college athletic setting that has funded me with up to date equipment.  This helps me enjoy what I am doing, because I learn how to work the newest machinery whether it is electrical stimulation equipment, or top of the line rehabilitation tools.  During my first semester of this school year I was able to work with the Ohio University football team; this is a prime example of being able to work with obedient patients in a clinic rich with resources.  Below is a picture of me working with one of my patients that I has working to rehab him back from a labral tear in his shoulder.

                                                      

By being placed in privileged situations I am also able to get an appreciation for others that do not have the same benefits that I have.  As a part of my athletic training career, I am required to do clinical rotations at local high schools that are surrounding Athens.  Currently I am working as a student athletic trainer at Wellston High School.  When working at this area I am faced with challenges that are much different than the ones I see in college athletics.  The Ohio Athletic Trainers Association published an article in 2011 that offers some interesting statistics in their article, at https://www.oata.org/documents/resources/Athletic_Trainers_and_High_School_S_AF0142304A271.pdf.  The most striking bit of information that I received from this article is that high school student athletes have regular access to a certified athletic trainer in only about a third of the nation’s high schools with a sports program.  Luckily in rural Ohio where we are now the local high schools receive care from certified athletic trainers through Ohio University.  Even though these high schools get certified athletic trainers, there are limited to no resources in our athletic clinic which makes my job slightly more difficult and allows my overseeing athletic trainer and I to be more creative with the items that we have.  There is limited founding so we must use items such as tapes, braces, and other sporting items sparingly.  Again, being placed in this underprivileged area I am around athletes that face issues such as lack of money, health insurance, and even some missing parental figures in their lives.  For instance, at Wellston high school there is a reputation of students involved in more serious street drugs.  A challenge that we face is dealing and providing care to these students who face addiction to drugs which I have never been exposed to.  This semester as a student athletic trainer I had to help in the treatment of a student with an opiate addiction.  Through the help of the school, and showing our best intentions towards the overall care of this student we were able to get him the proper treatment and rehabilitation program.  By taking what I believe to be the appropriate actions, we were able to get this student counseling and a drug rehab program which the student has been following.   Through interacting with these individuals I am given a chance to see a more difficult aspect of lift, but I am also able to be a part of their lives if they are in need of just someone to talk to, and be an active part of a healthy solution.  Also, I am able to get a greater appreciation of all the things that I am able to be thankful for in my life.  Overall this experience that I have gained here has allowed me to reflect on my belief of what is right and wrong and make me feel happier and act as a better person.

Also, another portion of my identity that gets fulfilled through my decision on being an athletic trainer is that the work that I put into these athletes has a direct affect on their performance.  I love how at times you work with an athlete that is coming back from an injury, and as an athletic trainer I am able to get them back to play through so many different aspects of rehabilitation.  For instance, many may think that typical rehabilitation programs just include things such as exercises for the patients injured area, but many do not understand the psychosocial aspect that comes along with the rehabilitation of a patient.  Depending on the severity of the injury, all athletes’ act in different ways.  For example, an athlete that experiences an acute injury that only keeps them out of play for one week will react psychologically different than someone who had some sort of career ending injury.  I enjoy dealing with this because it is challenging!  It is not easy, and you end up building up a positive professional relationship with these people.  Also, I enjoy the psychosocial aspect of athletic training because it provides me with an opportunity to actually make a difference in people’s lives when things do get serious and I am a person that is exposed to people who are putting themselves in danger first.  By doing this I get a sense of accomplishment and actually feel that I could possibly save a life.

            For me the choice of becoming an athletic trainer has fulfilled a missing part of me that I lost but now have restored.  I look forward to enjoying this profession, through the people that I continue to meet, and the challenges that wait ahead.  Overall, through athletic training allowing me to work around sports, and be able to help better people at the same time allows me to have a greater outlook on life, and forms the identify that I desire for myself.

Works Cited

“Ohio University: Athletic Training Program.”  Online video clip.  YouTube. YouTube, 21 Feb. 2013. Web. 25 Apr. 2014.

“Athletic Trainers and High School Sports Safety.” The Ohio Athletic Trainers Association. (2010): OATA. PDF file.