Final Paper

Mitch Hovan

English - 3060J

Final Essay

Privileged

            Most individuals while growing up hardly ever sit down and realize all that they have and are thankful, because in reality their lives could be much worse. Instead, kids and young adults analyze what they do not have, and come to desire these things to the point of it affecting their personalities for better or worse. “It’s truly sad when you look at the big picture – young adults do not realize how good they have it. Even the poorest of the poor here in America live a life a thousand times better than the poor in developing countries” (Shah). Some use their desires as motivation to help them succeed in hopes of one day being able to obtain what they long for, while others slip into jealousy and turn away from the ones who possess what they want. Still being young myself, I cannot say when that level of maturity sets in for most people to realize how blessed they are with what they are given. What I can tell you is that those that become bitter with envy can affect the ones who are looked at as privileged.

            Fortunately, and unfortunately, while growing up my family was one of the few that everyone looked upon with judgment, good and bad. The small, close-nit, farm town that I moved to and grew up in didn’t offer much, so the community and its gossip was all it really had. The town would be rated as average on its best day, so anyone with any money at all stood out like a sore thumb, and became the talk of the town. With almost all who had any money being elderly, that left me and maybe one or two other families who fell into this boat of judgment. It is not that we are “rich” by any means, more like big fish in a small pond, but we have and do things that some simply cannot afford. With that being said, most friends, classmates, and neighbors are jealous, and their opinions, which sometimes lead to actions, affected me in different ways as I grew up, and ultimately made me into the man I am today.

            The most prominent example that I can give that not only set me apart from my peers, but I believe is one of the first signs that would make anyone stand out among others, is the home in which they live. My parents built an elegant home on a lake that has been known to make jaws drop. Not just because of size, but because of how they went the extra mile in even the smallest of details. Over 7,000 square feet in size, the house offers a six car garage, five bedrooms with four and a half baths, a theatre room, game room, and even a lookout tower. There is even a bridge connecting one side of the house to the other. The house is also completely rigged up as a “smart house” so there are surveillance cameras all inside and outside the house, display screens present in most rooms that have total control of those cameras, locking doors, turning off lights, and controlling which rooms of the house to even play music in. And if that is not enough as far as safety goes, there are even secret rooms and passages! But as great as all that may sound, the house definitely stands out among all others in the area, and so it brought a lot of unwanted attention my way while growing up.

I can remember hundreds of separate occasions growing up where people made comments or did things that still stick with me today based on either my fortune, or someone else’s. Things that I still look back on and base decisions off of. Friends and teachers with their remarks that almost made having money sound like a bad thing. Houses getting egged and toilet papered because they were bigger than average. Rumors and crazy stories were made up for those that the town was jealous of. It is horrible to say, but some people even made it feel awkward by distancing themselves simply because they did not feel like they matched up so to speak. “The problems of the wealthy are exacerbated by the phenomenon of schadenfreude, the pleasure we seem to get from seeing others—especially very successful people—experiencing pain or humiliation. The wealthy are highly aware of these attitudes, and therefore are subjected to additional stress as they try to avoid the stigma” (Munger). I like to think though that these comments and actions that were sometimes directed on my family and I and even others helped me mature and be thankful for all that I was blessed with early on. I just find it sad and irritating that the reason behind it is because we were labeled as “rich” by some.

            I am fortunate enough that I have been able to travel the world and explore many different countries and what they have to offer, own an elegant car, live in a beautiful home, and buy nice things, but growing up I would have given it all up just to fit in and feel normal with my peers. Now I say that, and it sounds dramatic, but it is not entirely true. That is what goes through my head on a regular basis, more or less as a “what if” kind of scenario, but when it actually comes down to making certain decisions, I can say that I bring a little attention to myself when I get caught up in the moment and succumb to taking advantage of what is being offered. One example being when I bought my first car.

I was able to pick out the car that I wanted right before I turned sixteen, and boy did I not hold back! I chose a brand new (then 2008) fully loaded Audi TT Coupe, and even had some aftermarket work done to it. A decision that to this day haunts me because I go back and forth on what I would do if I could do it all over again, and what may have come (or not have came) from me getting a more average car. My car has brought me just as much pain as joy. Not only did my friends get extremely jealous when they themselves were driving around in old beat up cars and trucks, but even the adults in the community such as my teachers and coaches did not have anything that nice. In and after school my teachers would make snotty remarks about the car and give me a hard time based strictly off of jealousy. The same came from my peers. My old football coach even refused to start me my entire freshman year because he said that I thought I was better than everyone on the team based solely on the car I drove. It was very hurtful, and I quickly had to learn how to try and rebuttal the comments with excuses as to how I came about the car. I ended up telling everyone that it was actually my mother’s, and I just got to drive it most of the time.

            That same basic story carries over into much more than just my car; anything nice that I have ever bought or received I have usually concocted some exaggerated or embellished story to ward off friends and peers as to how I got it, simply to avoid their idiotic commentary filled with jealousy. Opposed to just admitting that mommy and daddy bought it for me. And yes, I have been caught in a lie before, which obviously did not end well or help the cause. A research team led by Dr. Suniya Luthar, Professor of Clinical and Developmental Psychology at Columbia University’s Teachers College, has been exploring the links and potential causes of the problems of affluent teens since a study in 1999 uncovered the frightening facts. Comparing 10th graders from low-income inner city families with high-income suburban families, Luthar’s data revealed that the wealthy children were even more vulnerable than their low-income counterparts (MacMannis). This information just goes to show the struggle that I went through, and so it did not take me long to realize that maybe the best solution to these dilemmas was to just turn down anything that I believed could bring jealousy, and try to be as average as possible. So that is actually what I did most of the time, and I still do today.  To this day I purposely do and do not do things, slip in unnecessary comments in conversations or withhold from saying anything at all, and act as humble as I can to give off the impression that I am no better than anyone else.  

I have gotten much better with this now that I am away at college, and most of the people I have met and that I meet are way better off than those in my home town, so the scale is much more even. But growing up having to go out of my way just to fit in and be accepted definitely shaped me in a way that is much different than what most go through. I truly believe that those that ridiculed me out of envy for having more money than them made me a stronger person, and is also the reason that I go out of my way to help people when I can.

            Despite a lot of the crap that I had to deal with before college, it was not always as hard as it may sound. A great deal of positive came from it actually. My father was a prominent figure in the community that people looked up to, and with me being his son, I got my fair share of special treatment. In school teachers would hold me to a higher standard which I believe helped push me to try harder and ultimately do better. Outside of school anytime I went to get a job, I was usually hired on the spot. Employers would just assume that I was a hardworking man like my father, and that I would follow in his footsteps, so that enabled me to get more job experience than most. Many little things fell into my lap you could say strictly from what people inferred from my financial background.

            All in all though, I truly appreciate the privileged life that I was blessed with, and would not actually give it up or trade it to avoid the bad that may have come with it. In time, those that gave me hardship in the past will come to their senses and realize how immature it was for them to dwell on my life and what I had over them. I only wish it would have come much sooner. People need to learn to transfer that envy and desire into motivation to help them succeed and work for what they want, instead of just hoping that it is one day handed to them. We all also need to be thankful for everything we have when compared to those around the world and those in developing countries; certainly there are others far worse off than we could ever imagine. I certainly learned a great deal and matured early on from my experiences growing up, and I hope I take that humbling knowledge with me the rest of my life and am able to pass it on to my kids.

Work Cited:

MacMannis, Don, and Debra MacMannis. "." Healthy, Wealthy & Wise? 5 Myths About Rich

Kids. How's Your Family, 28 Aug. 2013. Web. 29 Apr. 2014. <http://howsyourfamily.com/healthy-wealthy-wise-5-myths-about-rich-kids/>.

Munger, Dave. "Are rich kids more troubled than poor kids?." Cognitive Daily. N.p., 9 Mar. 2005.

Web. 29 Apr. 2014. <http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2005/03/09/are-rich-kids-more-troubled-th/>.

Shah, Anup. "Poverty Around The World." - Global Issues. N.p., 20 July 1998. Web. 29 Apr. 2014.

 <http://www.globalissues.org/article/4/poverty-around-the-world>.