For
my paper I want to focus on how my mother has helped to change my outlook on
life and how to act. I have always been very close with my mother. She is a lot
younger than all of my friend’s parents, being only 43 with three kids all in there
twenties. One of the things I’ve always respected most about her is that even
though she started her family young she found a way to support her family and
raise three kids right. Don’t get me wrong my father was a big part of this as
well but this paper isn’t entirely about him. My mother is a very strong willed and confident woman. She
is the type of women who sets her mind to something and achieves it. I have
never seen her give up on anything and she is never satisfied with “just settling”
always strives to do better for herself. She started off as a young bartender
with three kids and husband in the police force. Wasn’t until I was around 4
years old that my mother decided to become a police officer as well. You’re
probably thinking “whoa two police officer parents must have been strict in
that house.” Which wasn’t necessarily true, yeah we were punished and grounded
a majority of our teenage years but for some reason having both our parents as
police officers made my brothers and myself think we had this immunity; a
feeling as if we were above the law. Have to admit there were times when we got
in trouble and immediately turned to mommy or daddy to make it go away and it
always did. So, for that we were truly lucky.
 |
| The Riley Children and our Mother |
In
order to get more into this I have to tell you about my siblings as teenagers.
There is a saying that goes something like the oldest paves the way for the
other siblings and this held so much truth in our family. My oldest brother is
my best friend and I love him to death but he was the child that was every
parent’s nightmare. I am 4 years younger than him so I have seen just about
everything he has done and learned what was punishable by basically eternal
grounding. For example, when I was in 7th grade he was a sophomore
in high school; he had already began drinking and was turning into that
rebellious teenage stage where he thought he could get away with anything. He
never has been strong student and to this day school didn’t prove to work out
for him, so in high school his grades always tended to slack. One night, it was
a Thursday night on a school night; my parents went to band practice (Cleveland
Pipes and Drums). They had decided to stay out a little longer for some kind of
football game was on that night. Danny (my oldest brother) had decided to throw
a party and invite over all his friends that night to come and drink. Knowing
how my father is and how mad I had seen him get before about Danny drinking I
asked him why he was doing this he told me “I got my report card yesterday, I
am going to be grounded anyways might as well make it worth it.” This was when
I saw a whole new outlook to my young life.
After
this a series of events took place. My brother Colin was taken home by the
police in 8th grade for drinking, Danny was grounded every other
week because if he was already grounded what else could they do “reground him?”,
Colin was hospitalized and received an underage, Danny received his first
underage, our house was the go to house in high school for “Riley House
Parties” (there was even a face book page for tall the people who liked to
attend) and many more stories I don’t even have time to explain. My brothers
were the reason I was introduced to drinking and were the ones influencing me
to be as dumb as possible. Safe to say our parents hated us. We were punished for everything we did.
These weren’t just any groundings either I am talking all summer long stuck
inside the house forced to do what seemed like slave labor to make up for what
we did. People joked and would call us “CinerRiley” because of the chores and
punishments we faced.
As
I said my parents were very young so it is not like they didn’t drink or do
anything except punish us. They had their share of fun. Every family event or
social outing was always surrounded by alcohol. I was the little 5 year old who
used to charge my parents friends a dollar to go retrieve them a beer out of
the cooler. Alcohol and partying as always had been around me. I grew up
learning how not to get caught, what would get me caught, and how to get out of
getting caught drinking.
When
coming to OU I had knowledge about the “party school” rep. Some people fight it and say that’s a
misconception but we don’t always do a good job of proving that wrong. Things
such as a well known fest season and videos posted from students such as this
one : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf0y_La_ij0,
do not help make us look any better. I do not think there is anything wrong with
being apart of a party school as long as you get your work done. Just because
things happen out of class does not mean our academics are treated differently
because we like to have fun. I enjoy being apart of a campus that can have a
good time.
I
was not worried coming here because from my past experiences I knew how to take
care of myself. I considered my high school years as my training in a way to be
able to come here and keep up with everyone else. Some of my friends I have met
in school had no idea how to take care of themselves. They all faced the law at
some point and were completely clueless when it came to what they could and
could not do when out. I have to admit that my parents were the reason I have
not gotten in any trouble. At the
time our month long groundings seemed cruel and unfair but they shaped me to be
the person I am. I am happy that I was punished because it gave me a level head
and taught me how to do the right thing in certain situations. A big reason for
me trying to be on my best behavior is because I know how it felt to disappoint
my parents and I never wanted to do that again.
 |
| "World's Okayest Mom" t-shirt we bought my mom for Mother's Day the past year to try to lighten the situation. |
From
this you can see I kind of had a pretty bad attitude coming into school. I was
cocky and thought I was cool because I already was experienced when it came to
“partying” and saw myself as someone who liked to have a good time but could
get away with anything. Drinking was a big part of my social life and majority
of my activities with family and friends revolved around alcohol. Wasn’t until
this past year I finally realized it was time to take it easy.
Within
the past year or so the strongest woman I know got weak, my mother. Our family
purchased a bar, Paddy Rock, which
had always been ideal since we were the fun family who everyone wanted to have
a good time with so we figured why not stop the house parties and make some
money from our drinking. Thing started off great at first and it was very
successful for our family and fun for us all to be apart of together. But, my
mother began drinking a significant amount more than she used too. She let
alcohol take over her life and started to lose touch with whom she is. It was a
hard year and having to deal with seeing someone you’ve looked up two your whole
life, as a completely different person was one of the hardest things I had ever
experienced. I was not patient
with her and took it the hardest out of my whole family. I would lash out on
her and say things that I know I shouldn’t have. But it was so hard to not be
mad at her. I thought yelling and crying to her would help her to see that she
was hurting her family. The day she finally called me and told me that she
would be “going away for awhile”, meaning off to rehab, I responded “good” and
she immediately busted into tears and apologized for everything. Sounds too
simple but right then and there I forgave her for everything she put us through
and knew my mother would be back soon. Like I stated before once she sets her
mind to something she would achieve it so she took help very seriously and is
now doing better than ever and even up for a promotion at work.
She
went off for the maximum amount of days possible at the center. These were the
longest 30 days of my life. I didn’t realize how much I depended on my mother
and contacted her. Immediately I started to appreciate her again. I used to
tell my best friend that I hated her for what she became but it wasn’t until
she was no longer a phone call away that it all hit me, we have been putting so
much pressure and set such high expectations for her that my family plays a big
role in the reason she drastically turned to alcohol in the first place. I made my mom do everything and tell me
everything. She supports me and raises me at the same time. She did not know
what she got into starting a family at 19. It had to be so hard and instead of
working together and sharing the load we all just put it on her.
Since
she got help our house dynamic has changed. There no longer is any alcohol
inside and we no longer drink there. Family parties only consist of maybe one
casual drink but otherwise they are cut short and we are out of there early. Owning
the bar has turned to strictly business and hardly any fun. All these
adjustments are made for her and we respect them in order to make sure she
never feels uncomfortable. It’s almost as if we are babying her now but that
doesn’t bother us. We have owed this for her for a long time now. She has shown
so much strength and dedication that I once again see the woman I have always
cherished.
This
all opened my eyes to the “party school” lifestyle. I saw how much I hated the
way my mom acted and promised myself I would never let myself get to that
level. Yeah we always had fun as a family but you start to see the bigger
picture of it all. This year I stopped being the sneaky party girl role I had
been playing. My friends now title me as the “mom” of the group making sure
that everyone is taken care of or stays out of trouble. With my experiences I
have started to open my eyes to the importance of focusing on work and not just
fun. Yeah, it is okay to let loose every now and then but current goal is to
make my parents proud and put my schoolwork first.
I
was always taught to show no emotion. My family raised us to have a tough
exterior and to never let anyone see you weak. “Play the game” my mom always
would say. So this year when I was faced with my first real hardship it was a
whole knew experience for me. I
kept a majority of my feelings bottled up and what I did let out helped me to
find out whom my true friends were and who would be there for me. Having
an alcoholic parent was not easy but there are benefits from it that have
helped me to realize how to better myself. I found an article titled “10 things
my alcoholic parents taught me (Found
here.) It has a good outlook on how to look into things and how to act
positive through the negative. I cannot say that I am happy with how things
happened but I am happy with who it has shaped me to become. Growing up
surrounded by alcohol and partying set me up to be able to look past it and see
what really matters in the end. I am happy that I do not feel the need to give
into peer pressure and have learned that life isn’t all about drinking for fun.
There is so much more out there and I plan to experience everything I can with
my family and friends by my side.
Work Cited
Ado. "10 Things My Alcoholic
Parents Taught Me - Momalog." Momalog. Tech Tips, Web.
28 Apr. 2014.
DOHNZ. "#MILLFEST2014 | Mill Fest
2014." YouTube. YouTube, 19 Mar. 2014. Web. 28
Apr. 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf0y_La_ij0,
Paddy Rock - Home. Paddy Rock Super Pub,. Web. <http://www.paddyrockcleveland.com/>.
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